The Silent Goodbye

How many times have we departed with goodbye?
Spoken fleeting, lovingly, our reunion promised.
The dance of romance between you and I,
Complex, uncertain, never ending.

A play of such dramatic splendor.
Written in the cosmos, surely.
A fiery passion that when tempered could be tender.
We didn't make it. Yet, so nearly.

Your words have been both weapon and balm.
From the same lips, my redemption and torment.
The silence of goodbye I do not yearn,
As memories of you will soon become distant.

I saw the loss and knew it to be true,
The differences, both subtle and clear.
I'd catch your eye, you looked not back but through.
A very certain distance, where once you kept so near.

Hope can be powerfully destructive.
Blinded by it, I refused to see.
Our once great love corrupted,
The battles drained it constantly.

No longer shouting, a quiet disdain.
The same routines, yet everything is unfamiliar.
When did we change the rules of this game?
In our constant quest for victory, neither was the winner.

Careless in the folly of a certainty never there,
I watched the foundations of our tomorrow crumble.
Warm and smiling eyes replaced with a suspicious glare.
Still though, an echo of the past we could resemble.

The want was there, but not the will,
The dance became more formal and restrained.
I like you not, but miss you still.
Our dreams are dead, they cannot be regained.

And now you are gone from me.
Into darkness I stride out. A new future is begun.
Our final parting, silently.
Your goodbyes are now for someone else, I'm done.

New Labour

We fight and fight to win
We want it much more than we oughta
Is the pursuit of power such a sin
As our ideals are sent to slaughter

Well we made it, here we are
Now we can change the world
But a drink first at the bar?
Our victory story should be told

Things can only get better
But these changes will take time
I’ll send you your answer in a letter
Young man your place or mine?

Camelot this aint
The walls of decency soon breached
The towns are yet to see red paint
Were we aiming for a summit never reached?

And yet we’ll win again
And just as handsome as before
A country run by foolish men
Never changing, wanting more

'Him'

Lost in translation
The meanings of a mind unknown to me
Can he not understand frustration?
This ache, this pain, constantly

A kindness so cruel
Every moment I wake, it is all him
Am I the servant of deliberate misrule?
Where is he? Doing what? I am in chains to his whim

Darkness falls in the midday sun
An innocent victim of a supposed indifference
An accusation unanswered and unbegun
Love, a chasm, void, such insurmountable distance

I will never see all of him
Yet I am with him now. Nothing else matters
That smile, a glance, the touch of him
This self delusion will leave my heart in tatters

If I told him, would he comprehend?
The passion that I feel is all my own
This feeling, obsession, I do not recommend
Would I exchange this sublime agony to be alone?

Blonde and perfect
A visage I will never tire to see
Every nuance of his face I still inspect
Could it all in truth be mine, Imaginary

Our first kiss. Heaven sent
The moment of infinite remembrances
I hoped for more, but fear nothing meant
But the corporeal lust of man’s embraces

So intimate, yet utterly remote
The door may be glass but it is still locked
What else can that gentle smile denote?
But despite it my wish is effortlessly blocked

His eyes are pools I long to drown in
Each tiny flaw makes him ever more beautiful
Is he the apple or serpent of my original sin?
Oh to taste that sweetest fruit again. His want? Inscrutable

The milk white crest of his hip
Let my mind be forever marked with that image
His cup so briefly bestowed, I greedily sip
I disregard all fear of damage

Can something dreamed a thousand times be real?
I have never felt such absence of control
I fear to ask and he will never of his own intent reveal
Such fleeting joy for a tortured soul

Hours pass. Unbounded bliss
Time is a construct without meaning now
My life could end right here in this
But still no promise made, no vow

Why him though? With a life so full
What has captured and enraptured so complete?
Since when was my own life so malleable
Self confidence and self regard made obsolete

I am beyond and without my mind
The fever rages, fuelled by his ambiguity
Still willingly to this fate I am resigned
This hope will not be quelled by bleak eternity

He is both a monster and a saint
I kneel before this unseeing deity
But a martyr’s death in fire before I would repent
I word from him and I once more in sanctuary

What is at the heart of his desire?
He is the movement on the edge of vision
Thoughts of me not even ashes on the pyre
I avoid any prospect of his ultimate ambition

A cowards game for us both perhaps
His sins if they are his, receive my absolution
Am I caught by his design or confusion’s trap
For all this pain, not for me finality or conclusion

This is not love I feel but madness
A compulsion, irrational and unbounded
But to cut free and live again. Oh what melancholy sadness
My sense and reason remain confounded

I can never give him up or try
This is what I tell myself every day
Every chance of freedom and escape I will defy
Hurt, witting or not, would be doubled if he went away

He is the light I see but cannot reach
Enough to stop the darkness but not to find salvation
In my mind, his voice, the intonation of his speech
I deserve it all and now without ration

Inside I burn with such incendiary emotion
Over the hope of his affection I keep silent watch
My life is his, a solitary devotion
But with all this time and thought, no plan to hatch

It is my terror that time will take him
I may be no more than a folly or fascination
The chance that I mean more, to that I cling
I prostrate myself before his every inclination

Again and again, how much does he know?
Would this bring shock? Amusement? Devilry?
Joy or despair, everything depends upon a dice that he might throw
Does he notice or exploit as I surrender my dignity

What will come to pass? What does our future hold?
My fate within his grasp and does he even know?
But I will wait and wait and wait as I grow old
In the hopeless hope of love that he might show

Yet in my own self, I already know the truth
For this journey I walk and walk alone
I understand the selfishness of youth
For when and if he knows I’m sure a heart of sympathy but stone

The merest glimpse of liberty
And all I desire is his breath upon my shoulder
Can I endure this in perpetuity
In love it is a lie that wisdom comes as we grow older

But the knowledge of what is, does not set me free
For as dear friend, no doubt you’re sure
I am the sole author of this
My own unending tragedy

Poetry Corner - 'Old Gay'

Old Gay

Is my mouth too small, or my face too big?
I wish my belly didn’t move when I start to jig.
Beauty is only skin deep, but I have too much skin.
As a gay man I’m invisible, the only way is thin.

I am what I am, as long as it meets with your approval.
You don’t like it? I can change. My surgeon’s quite a marvel.
Am I too old to be a twink?
Ha, what do you think!

I love the gay scene, but it doesn’t still love me.
I’m yesterday’s man now, the boy who used to be.
Although my t shirts are still tight, it’s not a pretty sight.
Move over fat boy, you’re blocking out our light.

In gay years I’m 101, life over, deeds done.
How can someone like me still expect to have some fun?
But I still enjoy the music, the energy, the faces.
I could teach these lads a thing or two.
Put them through their paces.

Maybe not. A gin and tonic if you please.
No chance of romance here. I have the ‘old’ disease.
I should start a home for ageing gays.
You can join at 23.
A tea dance in the morning and an enema at 3.

I joke of course, for your amusement.
Life’s not so bad for a youth misspent.
For as I age, so do my friends.
On a carousel of fun where the party never ends.

I may be older, but I’m richer and there’s plenty good in that!
A big pile in the country, a houseboy and a cat.
So keep your tiny waist, your youth and your bad taste.
I’m happy as I am, now I’m past that, I’m a man.

Return of the Milk Snatcher...Or Not?

Listening to the news early this morning, one could be forgiven for thinking that there had been as overnight coup and that the 'Iron Lady' had returned for a final attempt to break up the society she so evidently disapproved of during her 11 years in power.

But no. This was the voice of junior health minister, Anne Milton. Very much associated with the right of the Tory party, she was verily rejoicing in the opportunities that George Osbourne's fabricated 'austerity Britain' has given ministers to slash and burn vital services across government.

But wait.... What is this on the horizon? A Knight, and lo, it is a white one atop a mighty steed(possibly Eric Pickles?)! Whilst another junior minister, David Willetts was live on air defending the Proposal. David Cameron announced that milk was staying on the menu!

Rather than playing fast and loose with the life chances of the least well of children. I would suggest the message would have been just as clear had Cammo gone for a jog around Hyde Parke wearing an 'I'm not Maggie' T-Shirt!

To use children's nutrition as part of one of the oldest PR tricks in the book is really contemptible.

A number of Lib Dems(Tory apologists these days seemingly)and actual Tories wrote it off as 'silly season' or 'just a policy idea'

I am not convinced of either. But if this were true, on top of the gaffes agogo we have seen from our Prime Minister and Deputy, it would be a telling insight into both the organisational chaos & instinctive policy preferences at the heart of this government.

For me, I think in a week following some pretty ropey headlines, it was an attempt at a positive one for the PM on the backs of poor children. Not an edifying sight!

Why I'll vote 'NO' to AV

It will be a very strange feeling indeed if I find myself campaigning alongside local Conservatives for a 'NO' outcome in the referendum on changing the electoral system next year if it takes its course through parliament.(currently by no means absolutely certain)

I do not believe that FPTP is a system that serves us well as a modern democracy. I accept that it is unfair that the Liberal Democrats secured 23% of the vote at the General Election but only 8.7% of the seats in the House of Commons because of the 'inefficient' distribution of their support.

AV was and still is Labour Party policy. I didn't agree with that before the election and I don't agree with it now.

If the question is 'how do we achieve a fairer voting system?' the answer is most definitely not AV.

The study carried out by the late Lord Jenkins of Hillhead was very clear. AV is not a proportional system.

No voting system is without its flaws but AV seems to address very few of the problems and adds rather too many more of its own.

AV by is preferential structure has the ability to magnify trends. Under AV it is predicted that Labour would have secured a majority of 200+ in 1997. I may like the idea of that, but it would not have been fair.

In reality it gives no additional choice to the vast majority of voters in any given seat who will be backing the parties in first and second place. It simply encourages voters for smaller parties to make a grudging decision about the least worst 'other' options than their own preferred candidate. That is not fair.

The truth is in politics the 2nd choice much less the 3rd is of almost incalculably smaller value and yet will be counted as of equal value to 1st preference. That is not fair.

Let's be honest. AV will not produce a fairer electoral system. But it might just be a little fairer to the Liberal Democrats. The two really are not the same thing. Whilst I sympathise with the unequal outcome to vote share the Lib Dems suffer with, AV is not the answer.

One of the argued strengths of AV is that it maintains the constituency link. I agree with that. I support AV+. It maintains that link and the plus element would iron out much of the iniquity outlined above.

Changing our electoral system is such a profound constitutional step that a 'make do and mend' approach to reform simply isn't good enough for me.

I have had many people, mostly Lib Dems, assure me that AV is just a first step to further reform. I am not convinced by that argument, but even if I were I believe it would be a first step in the wrong direction for the reasons I have given.

It seems to me that a 'NO' vote in next years referendum can easily be shown to be a no to the flawed AV system rather than electoral reform in principle, I hope an incoming Labour or Labour/other coalition government could propose a vote on a genuinely fair system within 10 years. Whereas a 'YES' vote will in my view close off the prospect of truly fair votes for another 20 or 30 years as the forces of 'conservatism' will find it easy to portray the matter as settled.

I completely understand the hesitation that many of my Labour friends feel towards electoral reform. The idea of never again having a majority Labour government is not an easy one to accept. But Living in Tory Wealden, my Labour vote means nothing. It is not fair and it is not right and whatever instinctive reservations I may have, reform is a must. AV+ is not perfect but it is in my mind the best solution and I will continue to work to achieve it.

That will mean voting 'NO' to AV in the referendum next year.

A bleak future for Clegg's Liberal Democrats?

Nick Clegg has already ensured his place in history. Taking the 3rd party,now the Liberal Democrats into government for the first time in 70 years. If he deserves credit for little else, that is an achievement for which he will be long remembered.

With the evaporation of 'Cleggmania' on polling day, with Labour finishing decisively ahead of the Liberal Democrats in second place, It is easy to forget that many had predicted a virtual wipe out for the party in the South West and a real squeeze from the two main parties in all other parts of the country just weeks before.

It didn't happen. The Lib Dems in reality lost just a handful of seats and increased their vote share by 1%.

For those who were surprised by Nick Clegg's focus on making a success of negotiations with the Tories, they should not have been.

An economic and social liberal by instinct. He had previously worked for Tory EU commissioner Leon Brittan and his wife Miriam has worked for Chris Patten as well as coming from a Conservative political dynasty in Spain. There is much conjecture that like David Laws, only the Tory party's social conservatism prevented that being his natural home.

He is an instinctive state sceptic.

So the failure of talks between Labour and the Liberal Democrats was in reality less about numbers and more about philosophy.

However, in his enthusiasm to embrace the undoubtedly bold offer from David Cameron to enter into a full coalition, he has in reality secured a very poor deal for his Party. Very much leading from the front Clegg will ultimately be held responsible for the fate of his party in the years ahead.

No great offices of state,unheard of for the smaller party in coalitions across Europe, often in much weaker positions than the one Clegg found himself in and on issue after issue virtually every one of the Lib Dem's key manifesto commitments watered down,dropped or reversed. From VAT to Trident, Corporation tax to AV, the compromises have been very much one way.

There is no clear Lib Dem narrative emerging. Polls now consistently show the Tories reaching territory where an outright majority could just be theirs whilst 2 months after its worst defeat in a generation and leaderless Labour has bounced back to a promising 35%. The Liberals? Plunging down into the mid teens % and no excuse of lack of media exposure will hold now.

Given the Tories and Lib Dems are in government together, what explains such iniquitous polling fortunes? Anecdotally it seems that the government's programme is very much what Tory and potential Tory voters expect from their party, whereas many Lib Dem voters feel the complete policy reversal in terms of when the cuts should happen has severely damaged the parties credibility and electoral appeal.

It was a remarkable coalescence of circumstances that allowed the FPTP system designed to virtually ensure majority government to produce a hung parliament. Without a successful 'Yes' vote in referendum next year, it is unlikely to be repeated at the next election.

AV a system which is in no way proportional,though it does not end the possibility of 1 party majority governments, but it makes them somewhat less likely than under the present system.

Many predict that it will favour one of the major parties over the other. It may in individual general elections, though I see no reason to think it would establish unbreakable dominion for either side in alliance with the 3rd party.

One thing is certain. AV will not break the political mould in the way AV+ or STV would. It will not bring in an age of multi party power sharing but may give the Lib Dems a small electoral boost at some point. It is in short a very poor deal for them.

John Denham wrote last week that should Labour become the largest party at the next election but short of an overall majority the price of working with the Liberal Democrats would be the resignation of Nick Clegg as Lib Dem leader. This is not political posturing, it is an accurate observation of the price the Lib Dems would need to pay for their part in a rightwing government that would have been rejected by the electorate.

Many Lib Dems take great pleasure in asserting that working with Labour was never a real possibility. Well it cuts bot ways and whatever else is uncertain in politics, one can be sure that as political fortunes rise so they fall.

Much is made of the hostility from the Labour benches towards the Lib Dems for the support they are giving to what daily becomes clear, a Conservative government. Yet their own lofty dismissal of the Labour party as an irrelevance, is wide of the mark and a comment they may have cause to repent on at leisure, perhaps sooner than they think.With support for AV disappearing almost as quickly as likely Lib Dem voters, there is a real chance that their cavalier, grab for power, will put voters off the idea of electoral reform for another generation.

Much was made in the House today of Nick Clegg being the first Liberal politician to respond to questions to the Prime Minister since David Lloyd George. He appears determined to ensure that any Liberal successor will have to wait equally as long.